Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Infidelity is the New Black

So here's the situation. One of my best friends is fucking one of my ex's. He's married with a 1 1/2 yr old boy. When I broke up with this girl, she started seeing him as a chiropractor, and I didn't mind. I really didn't care about her and didn't think anything was going on because he was married. But then I found out recently that they have been hooking up for the last 6 months. I really don't have feelings for her, though no one believes me. I even tried to hook my other friend up with her, but she refused. I have been in the situation where one of my friends is interested in my ex, same girl coincidentally.

The first time, the guy wasn't so much a friend by choice, but a friend because we hung out with the same people. He didn't say anything and neither did she. I was 22, she was 20 and I wanted to kick his ass, but I didn't. I kinda regret that. It was college, and I probably wouldn't have gotten into trouble for it, and damn it would have felt good to stick it to someone who tried to fuck me over like that.

The second time, was a really good friend of mine in college. He and my ex and I hung out all the time. I never suspected anything was going on because really, it wasn't. He had my back when my ex started fucking around. years later, when I was living in SF, he called me up and told me he was coming into the city and wanted to have a couple of beers. We had a good time, for the life of me I can't remember where we went. But on the ride home, he told me, and I had mad respect for him handling things the way he did.

This time around, I wanted out of the relationship so desperately. But my friend involved is not just some guy, he's been one of my best friends for the last 20 years. it really fucking hurt when I found about, because everyone suspected that he was hooking up with her, but I defended him fiercely. Then i found out that he lied to me and was fucking her behind my back fo 6 mos. He used me and lied to me and that hurt the most.

Question now is what do I do? how do I move forward? Do I let my vengeful side get the best of me? I want to rub it in his face because I know he is still seeing her, and I know he is lying to his wife about it. I also want to continue to be friends with him because I know how valuable having lifelong friends is. He's going to need the support of all of us when he finally realizes how badly he fucked up.

I think I can get evidence of the fact that he is still seeing her. but if I do, I don't think he would ever forgive me. As much pleasure as I would take for exposing him as a liar, I still have moral reservations about doing it. I could be the straw that breaks the camel of divorce's back. At the same time, if I refrain, aren't I just letting him take advantage of me doing the right thing like Reid did?

If I let it go, the truth will probably come out anyways, this is Hawaii, shit like that don't stay secret for long. so I guess the best thing to do is to shut the fuck up, and don't tell anyone that i'm not going to do anything. Because then, he will feel smart for being able to take advantage of other people doing the right thing like he did before. OMG, I can't even believe that I'm dealing with this shit. People in Hawaii have no fucking integrity, no honestly and don't even try to do the right thing. I'm so fucking sick of it here.

Friday, July 18, 2008

The Dark Knight

OMG - I haven't been this pumped about a movie in such a long time. Wow...absolutely captivating. I walked in thinking, "fuck...I want this movie to be good so badly, there's no possible way it could live up to my expectations." - Wrong...It wasn't just Ledger's performance (he won't win the Oscar, but that's just cause he had to wear clown makeup), it was the story. It was complex and dark filled with tension and conflicted emotions, the script was incredible. Add to that outstanding performances by Oldman, Bale, Freeman and Eckhardt, this movie was awesome. It was sorta like a human drama, character study, summer action blockbuster and horror film all rolled into one. Go see it.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

The Silent Package and Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Sometimes in life we encounter people that seem so fixated on fulfilling such basic and visceral wants and desires that they lose sight of the effect their insecurities have on other people. I have one friend who is 33 and has never had a serious girlfriend. He has technically had a girlfriend, but I don't believe the relationship was ever consummated. In fact, he has never "consummated" a relationship with anyone. And while the 40 year old virgin was a nice, slightly geeky, but charming guy, the "silent package" is anything but.

Named as such because he enjoys calling himself the "total package". He claims to be smart, charming and handsome, meanwhile, he is short, bitter and only recently lost some weight. When he was fatter, he was just as bitter, but a little less annoying, and far less arrogant. I've tried to help him, as have the rest of my friends, but nothing seems to work. So I've decided to see if I can apply Maslow's hierarchy of needs to determine what he needs to do to get past this shallow unhappiness.

The Hierarchy is based on the idea that all
humans have fundamental needs that have
to be fulfilled before they can be self-
actualized. Self-actualization is a level of human consciousness where due to the fact that the other needs are being me, this person can pursue higher, more noble pursuits such as making the world better or self improvement. The self-actualized person isn't bitter, jealous or demeaning. It is shaped in the form of a pyramid because you cannot fully achieve a level until the needs of the level below it has been fulfilled.
Based on what I know of my friend, he has the first two levels pretty well taken care of. It is the third where he lacks. He has friends, but at some point he treats all of us like shit and makes an attempt to bring us down. He has family and spends a decent amount of time with them for his age. But he is seriously lacking sexual intimacy. According to the hierarchy it appears that until he fulfills the love/belonging level of the pyramid when cannot achieve the confidence and self-esteem associate with the esteem level. I believe that a deficiency at the esteem level is what causes him to lash out. So basically, until my boy gets laid he won't stop feeling shitty about himself and lashing out at others.
Any volunteers?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Culture in Hawaii

Throughout my entire childhood of growing up here in Hawaii, I have never doubted the unique culture of Hawaii and the indelible sense that we are the best, a mixture of many different cultures including Asian and European. We have always promoted ourselves as the pioneers of purloining the best from each culture and enveloping them within our own. And I whole heartedly agree.

Who would I be, or what would I have become without knowing the joys of spam for breakfast, katsu and kimchee on the same plate, or walking down to Maunkea Marketplace for Filipino and Thai food for brunch. The seafood here is outstanding and the birthplace of surfing is something I constantly brag about to my friends from the mainland. What other place could give birth to someone with a world view like Barack Obama. But often times what I wonder is how a culture so diverse and so unique be so xenophobic? We hate everything foreign, we have adapted the Japanese mentality, to quote the Last Samurai, "the nail that sticks out gets hammered."

This sort of mentality frustrates me. When I speak to people, I get the same answers - the ones that people think they are supposed to give. It is rare that I will ever get an honest opinion from someone, especially when I need it. This exclusivity can only hurt us. Have always been a firm believer in the marketplace of ideas, and I believe that this is key to keep Hawaii diverse and preserve our culture.

This statement needs a caveat. I don't believe that our culture is a stagnant one, such as Chinese, Japanese or Italian. We are not a separate country, nor do we have a thousand years of traditional practices and solidarity. Ours is based on an ever changing, ever evolving amalgamation of cultures...always incorporating those influences which permeate through all our different ethnic identities. The minute was stop infusing other cultures into our own, is the minute we lose our coolness factor. imagine if we were still sporting handlebar mustaches and calling our boardshorts baggies? I would be heartbroken if there wasn't myriad of pho restaurants to quench my craving for that tasty basil laden broth.

Point is we must continue to push the boundaries of what is considered part of local culture. To laid down our predisposed biases and open our minds to debate and exploration. Maybe if everyone pushed themselves a little further, we all might have something more to bring to the table. We'd all be a little smarter, a little more cultured and maybe just a little more understanding of everyone else's differences.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

July 4th Weekend

Hopefully, no one will be offended by me less than eloquent entries as I believe that in order to improve my writing (for the Lost Child novel), I must deal with more volume and less vocabulary in my blog entries, so hopefully this is a start of a new beginning...Actually, who am I kidding, no one reads this crap anyways.

Ahh, the 4th of July is coming up, and as far as my practical concerns for the holiday, it is basically where am I drinking and what am I cooking. In years past, I have had hits with bacon wrapped mushrooms stuffed with scallops, and sushi rolls for my San Diego friends. This year, I think and reflection upon why I am celebrating this holiday might be an interesting twist. Maybe it will give me some ideas on how to celebrate.

Independence Day is a celebration of the enactment of the Declaration of Independence. Written primarily by Thomas Jefferson, and signed first by John Hancock on July 4, 1776, the Declaration was based on the premise that a foreign entity did not have the right to control the 13 colonies due to the natural desire for man's right of self determination. Located in the preamble, the famous words are:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

According to David McCullough, the words pursuit of Happiness originally read "Life, Liberty and Property", but was change upon the suggestion of Ben Franklin (who was never President, BTW). I feel the need to rephrase this maxim because the words have become so ingrained in our psyches that we rarely reflect on what they actually mean. Much like the lyrics of No Woman, No Cry (no, it's not a breakup song...).

"Mofo, you know I'm right when I say that: 1. everyone is the same except for women and minorities, and 2. you can't kill me, put me in jail, or cockblock me anymore."

*don't forget that when this was written women couldn't vote and slavery was legal.

I guess in order to honor our Country this weekend, I must: 1. not die; 2. don't get arrested; and 3. find someone to sleep with me...the third one might be a little tricky.

So I guess when you are out there this weekend, don't forget a bunch of slave owning white men fought for the right to not pay taxes, so that you could enjoy your bud lights and fireworks. I would say that the holiday is more significant, but if you look at it, we still have friends that are sent of to die so that the U.S. can control another country's oil, (good luck B. Lee, keep your head down); we don't have a right to health care; we circumvent the "god given" right of liberty (or habeas corpus) to our prisoners in another country; and we can be happy, as long as our happiness isn't repulsive to the Republicans.

Don't get me wrong, I am patriotic, but mostly based on things we've done in the past. So to quell the fervent rantings of those who would undoubtedly chastise me for these comments, I offer the following list of why I am proud to be an American, and why I am proud of this country.

1. Al Gore used his political influence to actually push the subject of environmental protection further than it has ever been.
2. Because the people of NYC didn't riot, but helped each other after 9/11
3. Because the Internet isn't censored here.
4. We are always the first to send troops in just causes.
5. Thomas Edison
6. We have the most TV stations.
7. We are a society based upon the marketplace of ideas.

any other reasons?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Top Chef - Dale gone

For those of you who don't know me, which right now is pretty much everyone, I am a huge fan of Top Chef. After last nights ridiculous travesty, which at this moment, I have not yet let go of, I feel the need to blog about it.

Last night in a stunning, atrocious decision, the judges (including one of my heroes, Anthony Bourdain) kicked Dale off in the Restaurant Wars challenge, instead of Lisa (clearly incompetent) and Spike (sleazy). Dale was easily one of the top four Chefs, Richard of course being the top dog. Lisa has been on the bottom and has been producing increasingly lackluster food. Her miso bacon was good, but that was like 5 weeks ago. Her bitter, annoying attitude and inability to execute dishes properly should expidite her removal from the show. The most annoying thing about her is not being accountable for her work (much like a certain boss I've recently had). I can't use my utter contempt for her as reason to kick her off the show, but it does make me hate her with a passion.

Spike, on the other hand, has made it to this point by not being the worst cook every week. He always produced mediocre food, which results in him always being on the bottom, but never gets kicked off because of some other egregious violation by another chef. He cooked no food this week. After stewing (no pun intended) over the results for the last day, I have come to the realization that Spike and Lisa colluded together to get Dale kicked off. I think both realized that he was clearly a better chef, and that this might be the only chace for one of them to get into the finals. This is why Spike backed Lisa when it was clear that Lisa's ass should have been shipped home. Both her dishes sucked this week, and she was pouring herself a beer (which she was clearly going to drink immediately, even though she denied it) before service had ended. Dale was totally right to give her shit about it. Who the fuck opens a beer when their not going to drink it right away? It's not like Pabst needs to breathe for 5 minutes before imbibing.

That's so fucking idiotic. The judges need to monitor better what goes on in the kitchen so that when Lisa throws out some bullshit like "someone fucked with my rice" they can see that Lisa clearly fucked up. Sucks for Dale, since everyone tried to peg him as being like Hung, but he clearly wasn't trying to be. The only people that really had a problem with him was Lisa, and maybe Antonia, but I suspect that was because of Lisa's shit talking and Dale's blowup. I bet in the final that Richard's first pick for Sous Chef will be Dale, or maybe Stephanie if she gets eliminated. I believe everytime they worked together, Dale and Richard have won the elimination challenge. I don't think anyone will really want to pick spike or Lisa over Dale or Andrew if it comes down to it.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Ticket Scalping

Ahhh....my hatred for those enterprising individuals who consciously prey on the fanaticism of concert goers, can only be matched by my disdain for egomaniacs and picky eaters. Irregardless of personal likes and dislikes, scalpers will scoop up obscene numbers of tickets, blind to any genre preferences (or taste in music for that matter), merely to pay homage to the all mighty dollar, and force those seeking golden tickets to the chocolate factories of Celine Dion and 50 Cent alike, to triple or quadruple their expenses, and often times write essays on craigslist as to why they are most worthy to bestowed with the honor of putting extra money in the hands of these scummy and opportunistic individuals.

Personally, the shame of actually having to purchase multiple Celine Dion tickets is enough to keep me from scalping myself. But the ultimate question arises, should scalping be illegal?

On one hand, our country's system is based on free market enterprise. Through this paradigm of modern progress, the U.S. has become the leader in the development of new technologies and scientific advances. The principle of first come, first served, has always forced those of us with more casual attitudes, to sack up and fend off the potential onslaught of competitors to achieve or maintain some slight advantage. Thereby making the grand machine of our national economy run more efficiently and raise the level of some obscure measure of our economic health known as the GDP. Eat or be eaten, step up or step aside, f*** or get f***ed…all to make the little guy from Texas, with an oddly shaped office on Pennsylvania Ave., seem just a little bit smarter. Has our desire to make a quick dollar really blinded us to our humanity and sense of community? I don’t think anyone can disagree with me when I say “you betcha!”

Screwing the other guy has become as much a part of our national identity as apple pie or baseball, or in Hawaii’s case, portuguese sausage with breakfast. We have never shied away from going into a foreign country, depleting their resources, and leaving them without a penny. (If you don’t believe me, read Confessions of an Economic Hitman) As much as I would like to be able to appeal to the altruistic nature of the individuals in power, alas, I know my hopes and dreams for our society only fall upon deaf ears…However, there is hope…

As efficient and necessary as it all may be for the “greater good”, even the most Machiavellian individual knows that without the support of the public, those captains of industry are one step away from being hunted down like Frankenstein or Kenneth Lay. This is why often times, the most important industries cannot be left to the whimsical machinations of the child we know as capitalism, then we'd be left with too many Wal-marts and not enough Aloha Airlines. Imagine if you will, that instead of Kokua Festival tickets, I was referring to a limited supply of a universal cancer vaccine. Do you think that the government would allow the supply to be controlled by a few enterprising individuals? Sadly, the answer is yes, but the public riots and ensuing chaos would force them to reassess their policy, seize the existing stock of vaccine and distribute it in an orderly and somewhat just manner. My point is that we, the public, are the guardians of justice and equality.

Am I encouraging storming the gates of Kokua Fest, like a Darfurian refugee, at the risk of embracing a baton to the head? No, my analogy was for life saving medicine, not concert tickets, you idiots…leave your fence climbing shoes at home. Besides, this is Jack Johnson and Dave Matthews, not Rage Against the Machine. What we must do is control demand, not demand control. So instead, my advice to you is to bring a lawn chair, get drunk before hand (or find creative ways to drink in public), and catch a cab down to Kapiolani Park. You’ll be sitting under the stars, listening to the music you’ve been craving, smoking the illicit materials of your preference (as if I could stop you), and watching the idiots with far too much bravado and blood alcohol content playing an impromptu game of rugby with the members of HPD. All in all, not a bad time, meanwhile, you’ll be sticking it to the scalpers by not purchasing their tickets, forcing them to take a loss on their investments, and hopefully putting an end to this silly game of “what would you do for a Klondike Bar?”

As for my ultimate question of should scalping be illegal? Yes…errrr, No….uhhhh, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anyways, like the inevitable occurrence of the big fish eating the little fish, scapling will continue, illegal or not. So be it...jello shots anyone?